I once wrote a poem about love. It was about a specific woman but it could have easily been about my career choice. Like the woman in A Chorus Line, I feel the same way about acting -- and writing.
Here's the poem:
Acid Monkey Love 1998
having a good relationship
is like trying to get toothpaste back in the tube,
like singing a song when you’ve forgotten the lyrics—
the melody
and who wrote it.
Loving a woman
having a good relationship
is like handing a loaded weapon to a monkey on acid,
like leaving your heart at the dry cleaners
no starch, please
please don’t lose it.
Knowing a woman
having a good relationship
is like learning a different language,
becoming fluent in that language
that no one speaks—
not even her.
Living with a woman
having a good relationship
is like living in a pin factory,
and you’re the balloon…
with stale air…
and thin skin…
Making love to a woman
is like jumping into an ocean
just before the storm hits.
having a good relationship
is like having the answer but not the question.
Making love to a woman
is like jumping into an ocean
far from shore.
Having a relationship with a woman
having a good relationship
with a monkey on acid
with a gun
in the ocean
with starch and a warm iron
with balloons and needles
and pins and cotton candy
and clowns (how did the clowns get in?)
and ex-boyfriends
and ex-girlfriends
who exist, speak, call…
and let’s not forget jobs
hobbies
friends, family, long distance bills
peccadilloes—
I guess what I'm saying is that anything we do that has love in it, relationships, careers, hobbies, has the ability to hurt. The play I wrote and am co-producing is just like that, only more so. This because it comes from my heart, details my deepest fears and now I am putting them out there and hoping people will laugh.
You could just as easily replace "producing a play" with "loving a woman" or "having a relationship". Not that I feel that way about woman anymore. I have decided to choose women who are not "monkeys on acid" in my love life as well as in business and my social life.
But putting one's self out there is asking for a loving punch to the ego, the heart, the soul.
I'm only two days into producing my play and already I have trouble. I'm just trying to do the best I can with the material I have -- all that God gave me -- and make sure that everything is good and fun and everyone is happy. So far only the ones who aren't happy have communicated. I'm already in trouble at home, with friends and in the community.
But I can't do anything else! I have tried. I am someone who loves -- improperly, probably, yes -- and deeply, too, and sometimes people get hurt when I'm really trying to do good. And it's not pretty. But let me tell you something.
It makes for great theatre! And it's funny, at a distance. Like the distance between the stage and the front row.
See my play Love Negotiated because you love. Because you're trying to love. Or because you want to love and don't know how. Then you'll be seeing something we have in common.
Or else it will be a train wreck. And a very funny, entertaining one too!
